Learning about yourself

Sometimes the lessons we learn about ourselves are important to keep in mind for the future.  Today is one of those days.

Today was the Cowtown Half Marathon.  This is a tough race with brick roads and three very tough, long hills in the last miles of the race.

Going in I knew my plan was to run the first 3 at a 10 minute mile, the next 5 at a 9:00 minute mile, and the last 5 how I felt.  But what I did not do was think about what this meant for a total time in the race. 

Two weeks ago we ran the Hot Chocolate 15K, I did well and felt very good so in my mind I really thought that I would be able to run strong in Cowtown.  I didn't really think about what that meant to me.  What does running well mean?  And how can that be measured if you don't know what the goal was originally?

I was able to follow to my plan (provided by my coach) and hit the times pretty close through the first 8 miles, then the last 5 I was to run how I feel.  Therein is another issue.  What does that mean, how I feel?  In my warped mined it means running hard for the last 5 miles, but I didn't feel that strong.  And I didn't feel well.  My stomach was cramping and I was in am dire need of a bathroom but I would not stop for fear of losing time.  The time had become more important than "running how I feel".

Sure enough my last 5 miles were pretty fast, at least for me, with the last mile an 8:27.  And these mile are where the hills are!  But when I finish my time is 2:00:15.  I was sure I would be under a 2:00 and I felt dissappointed.

When I go back to look at my split times on my Garmin I realized that I followed the plan almost exactly with a BIG push in the last 5 miles, so much of a push I made myself sick.  And then it hits me, the whole plan was to hit the goal of a 2 hour half marathon.  Had I really given it thought ahead of time I would have remembered.  I hit the goal for which I trained.  And that is a successful race.

So what did I learn about me:
1.  I can meet my goals when I train for them, but I ALWAYS think I can beat the goal, even if it's unrealistic
2.  I place unrealistic goals on myself based on the performance of others
3.  I can't just go run a race for fun, I am way to competitive with myself and I feel like I have to push even when perhaps I should not

What will these lessons do for me now?  Well I am not sure, not yet.  I think I will just wait and see how it goes, keep them in mind, and try to train for the goal and then when I meet the goal, be happy in having accomplished what I set out to do.

All in all I came in 25th out of 255 runners in my age and gender division.  This is the top 10%.  You can't be unhappy with that number.