Sadness

Today I write about a painful subject, something that is hard to talk about, something I wonder if any of you share.

A close family member struggles with alcholism.  After 5 years of sobriety a relapse occurred in October 2009.  As a family we gathered together, spent a huge sum of money, and took this person to a top notch facility.  Not really an intervention, as help was wanted, but with the understanding that this was the last shot for us, we cannot continue to spend the money for this kind of treatment over and over.  Not to mention the emotional toll it has taken on our family.

The treatment went well and all seemed fine until the last two weeks and then we learned this weekend a devestating relapse occured.  Now holed up in the condo drinking to a point beyond recognition of the person we know, we can not help.  It must come from within and we must stay with our conviction of no more bailing out, now it is up to the alcholic to take action.

The alcholic is more likely to stay sober if they know they can lose those they love and so "tough love" is what seems to work.  However, the risk is that before they get to that point they kill themselves either intentionally or by drinking so much their body shuts down.  Do you know how hard it is to sit here knowing that this may be the next call we get?

I keep reminding myself that the 5 years of sobriety came from this person's conviction to stay sober, not with our help and so if the mind can get clear enough perhaps the same course will be taken.  I have to remain positive, pray, and wonder how someone gets to this point.  What is it in the psyche that drives someone to be so down on themselves that they cannot handle the world they live in?  This person is a great runner, training for the first triathlon plus two marathons this year.  I think perhaps being "driven" is a curse rather than a blessing and when something doesn't work into the course that they plan they simply cannot handle the disappointment.

I try to analyze, and yet it's something I can't figure out, something I cannot control.  And so I pray, I hope for the best, and I send my love to the person I do not want to lose.