Marathon Blues

Well, it's done, it's over, thank goodness.

This was the worst race I've ever run. I've never run while being hurt and now I know what it feels like.

I trained well, my speedwork was right on target, my long runs under my belt. During those long runs my knee would swell and that made it tough but because I was able to go slower I could make it through. I thought it would be ok but I was less than confident.

From the very beginning I felt sluggish. My legs just wouldn't move, but I thought it was because it was cold and it usually takes a few miles to get warmed up so I thought I could stay with it. But I never could get my pace together. I didn't set my Garmin correctly so I wasted time trying to get that fixed, what good it did me!

At mile 5 my stomach acted up, I waited as long as possible and finally found a port a potty that had no line and stopped there...that was 5 minutes.

I knew then my goal was shot so I decided, ok a 4:30 is ok, I will be ok with that. Coming off of my injury, knowing that the doc said it would take over a year for it to not bother me when I run.

At about mile 10 I could feel it swelling and I never could get my pace, I wanted to stop at every medical tent and ask them to take me to the finish, I've never wanted to quit anything more than I wanted to quit this race. when the half people split I started to follow them, but decided to try to keep going.

As I got further into the race my knees continued to lock up, and around 20 my claves began to cramp, especially the the left one. I would try to run and it would feel like the muscle was going to pop out of my skin. I would walk a bit then run some more. Eventually it worked itself out some and I could hobble along but my pace continued to slow.

At this point I was in tears. I did not know if I could go 5.2 more miles. Crying off and on I continued to push. I got my shuffle out thinking that music might motivate me, alas it did not. I would hobble along, walk some and cry. My knee and my claves just got worse. My feet hurt too, worse than I ever remember.

I did continue on and about the last mile I was able to hobble and not walk. As I started toward the finish the kids and Terry were there yelling for me and I started crying hard, it was so emotional, I was so miserable and frustrated and upset and there they were, still yelling for me.

The finish was frustrating, I've always been able to push at the end but this was like dragging my own body behind me.

In the end 4:50...how depressing, when the goal was 4:15. All the training and preparation for what?

Now I keep going over and over in my mind what happened. Over training? Under training? Did I spend 2 years training to qualify for Boston only to break myself down so much after tearing my meniscus that I can't even run what I know I should be capable of? Or is it a matter of different training? Or is it just a matter of time? I know it will take a long time before my knee is well, but what is wrong with the rest of me? 4:50 isn't really a bad time or anything it's just that I know I can do better and it was SOOOOO MISERABLE. I've never in my life felt that way.

So what do I do now?